It's the Duality
People have been leaving me messages, texting me etc saying but Scott is sounds like all you are doing in Melbourne is continually going out to the endless array of pubs, bars, cafes and restaurants with the occasional surf in an oversized concrete tub.
I would like to say that this is just not untrue. Most times The Artist comes too, sometimes The Girl Child spins out of her own social whirl and joins us. International Man of Mystery - The Contractor when he is down here doing whatever the Contractor does has come out for a few too. So it is not just me.
Glad we have sorted that out.
But it must be said that sometimes the gritty city gets a little too much. for example The Artist and I were having our regular Friday evening libation at the Kent Street Bar [advertising tag line - Fuck it lets go to the Kent} on Smith Street when this old guy walked past with his fly undone and his dick hanging out. Not sure if he knew, if he was advertising or if he even cared but there it was and once he walked past there it went. Not that unusual on Smith Street as it is long and busy and the cross section of humanity is very very wide. But it is the duality of this place that makes me smile endlessly.
The Friday before at a bar that we had walked past for a month before we knew it was there, hidden upstairs behind a wooden door, we were drinking craftsman made cocktails at a beautiful ornate bar, paying a fortune but this place is the three-chef hat version of a cocktail bar, plus there was a moose head on the wall so that allows an increase in pricing. Our bartender, sharply but somehow menacingly dressed like a character out of Peaky Blinders was a consummate professional. But if you wanted a Cocksucking Cowboy to drink this was not the place to ask for it. Worth every cent although we could not afford to eat for three days after. It’s called the Everleigh Bar.
I have also discovered a new favourite cocktail thanks to the almost scarily enthusiastic barmen at Ends and Means. This place is more grungy Fitzroy than the Everleigh but still very passionate about their mixed drinks. The Boulevardier cocktail is composed of whiskey, sweet vermouth, and Campari. Like a Negroni but with more balance apparently and no I don’t know how to say it. Is it Boo- Lar-Vard-I-er or Boul-Var-De-air? Whatever it is a fine drink.
But clearly it was time for some country soul, panoramic vistas and fresh, clean air. So thanks to our good friends The Gardener and The Networker we had three days down on the Great Ocean Road, not the gorgeous but well populated and heavily touristed bit along Lorne etc but the stretch to the west of Cape Otway where the scenery gets even more dramatic and the Ocean even wilder.
The ocean was allegedly calm which down here where dozens of shipwrecks rest and the wind comes straight from Antarctica that is a relative statement. The swell was still overhead on the sets breaking on the inshore reefs and being Victoria in the space of the hour it was warm, cold, draughty, still, wet and dry.
Whatever you say about Queensland beaches they aren’t majestic and tough. This coastline is. We saw eagles and rabbits, kangaroos, snakes and cows, lots of cows. Also got up close and personal with my first wind turbine. I know lots of people don’t like these things but I reckon they are awesome. They appeal to me as a perfect meeting of science, art and the future. There is a thrum as the blades turn and I’m not sure about living next to a dozen of them. It might be a different experience but I reckon still far better than living on the edge of an open cut coal mine.
My advice with this part of the world is steer clear of the obvious locations like tourist filled Twelve Apostle car parks. There is much more of this coast and hinterland hidden in plain sight down dirt tracks from Port Campbell through Peterborough all the way to Warrnambool. It really is the edge of the world feeling when you are sucking in that Southern Ocean air on 60 - 70-foot cliff. A fuckload different from the car park at Noosa.
The Mousetrap is a whodunnit play written by the queen of whodunnits Agatha Christie. The play has been running in London non-stop for over sixty years and has been seen by an estimated 10 million people in London alone. Who could argue with those numbers? So for a change of pace we cruised down to the Australian production currently working its way to a cultural centre/ theatre near you. And good fun it was too in the very British way. There were sets and acting and it was funny, vaguely suspenseful and perfect for just about everyone. The theatre was packed and the average age would have been about 107 so I think you see what we were working with here. Ground-breaking drama it wasn’t, pleasant way to pass a few hours it certainly was. By the way, despite all the showings people around the world have been very good at not revealing the identity of the killer. In fact the whole audience is sworn to secrecy at the end of the play. Not being one to buck the trend you can be sure that when I say the butler did it that I am lying. Take your mum, she’ll love it.
As I type this I can hear the Formula One cars doing practice about 5 km away down at Albert Park. Must be very unpleasant to live across from it but I suppose it is a good seasonal Airbnb opportunity. I went once as a guest many years ago and certainly don’t need to return. F1 racing is like watching porn. For a while you’re excited then you start to think about the mechanics of just how they do what they do and then it just gets repetitive and boring. And like the porn very noisy.
I can’t help but think that the success of these so-called major sports events is hinged largely on the people who don’t really care for the activity at all they just want an excuse to get free food and drink.
Much closer and preferable to me this weekend is the Melbourne Garden show. Quieter and just as inventive, certainly better for the planet and no corporate boxes. it is a pity The Artist is away on a sojourn otherwise it would be a must do.
Next week it is Easter which means Rip Curl Bells Surf Comp. Now that is something I am really looking forward to.
