On The Drink

I have been watching Shaun Micallef’s entertaining documentary on Australians and alcohol called rather wittily   “On The Sauce” and I highly recommend it. You can catch it on ABC Catchup. It did make me think about how we treat alcohol in this country and how central it is to our history and the Australian ethos.  One thing that came to my mind after watching the show is an experience that I and a lot of parents have gone through, one that really reflects the attitudes that Australia has to the drink.

Once upon a time when you were under the legal drinking age, say around 15 to 17 and you and your mates wanted to drink some alcohol thereby emulating your elders and participating in the great Aussie tradition of alcohol misuse you faced a dilemma. To get your hands on said beverages you either had to

a.     find somebody’s older brother or sister who would help out by buying alcohol for you, hopefully without charging you for their services or

b.     be brave enough to front the drive through or bottle shop assistant with a gift of the gab and/or some fake ID or

c.     raid whatever supplies somebody’s parents had.

All of the above had their good points and bad points depending on circumstances but they all had one thing in common. If you wanted to get drunk out in the world with your friends at a party or just in the park or someone’s garage no responsible adult was going to help you. Responsible adults were the enemy, they might know what was going on, they might expect you to try something on and they might not get too angry if you got caught but they were not going to help you. If for no other reason this is because it was against the law and parents were supposed to be responsible, law abiding and provide good examples.

Now every family was different. Some parents were no alcohol any time anywhere. Others like my parents were open to a sip of beer or wine at some point which over the years gradually proceeded to a glass of wine with dinner or a stubbie of beer after some suitable male bonding exercise. At the other extreme I’ve known some other parents who were alcohol abusers themselves so it was anything goes. As I said every family was different.

However somehow, some time everything changed. Now days if a 16 or 17 year old wants to have a drink we parents are expected to provide a venue with glasses and ice cubes, buy the alcohol to order and generally be an accessory and accomplice to what is in fact a crime.

WTF happened?

Now I am not saying that this turn of events is necessarily wrong and disgraceful. And I know it is not universal but it certainly is common enough to be no surprise at all - of no consequence you might say. But I think there are consequences that should at least be explored.

Before we do that we should have a look at the reasons that might have driven this almost 180 degree change in parent behaviour. I think there are a few different things at play here and some of them are for the better in a bigger picture kind of way.

I think that we see our youth as more responsible and adult than our parents saw us and I think the young people’s attitude to drinking is better compared to our generation at the same age. There does seem to be less binge drinking, it might be different between city and country or between different socio economic groups but I think there has been an improvement. Also there seems to less thought along the lines about having to drink whenever you can.  That applies to legal teens as well. I know I certainly drunk more and in a dangerous manner when I was 18 to 21 than beforehand but this does not seem to be as consistent now. I have to add these are personal observations only.

I think the message on drink driving, surely one of the main reasons why parents fear alcohol and the safety of their children at this age, is also getting through.

Thirdly and probably most importantly it is much, much harder now days to buy alcohol if you are under 18. The fines for the liquor outlets and their staff in servicing the under aged are just too big to make the risk worthwhile.

So as a result it seems that a lot of parents when faced the option of  following the law and thereby setting an example about the importance of laws in an ordered society and the clear dangers of excess drinking or pleasing their kids by buying their alcohol seem to prefer the latter option. As a personal disclaimer I was faced, as many thousands of parents are, with what to do in these situations and found myself quite uncomfortable with being an accomplice to teen drinking by buying cans of spirit and premix. I know all the logical arguments e.g. that when I buy the alcohol I know how much is available for my daughter for consumption at the party. At the least his implies a naivety that at the party every attendee will only drink what their parents have provided and that me going through this process is actually a positive educational lesson for my child.

But I also understand the reality, which I in a small way helped construct, that alcohol is going to be there and be consumed and by being involved with the acquisition process I can help educate.

Was I right to do so?

I think so but it has taken a great deal of thought in weighing up the possible outcomes and mixed messages to write that.

 I know of two occasions where parents have gone into liquor stores accompanied by their underage daughters whose alcohol they were buying for a party that night. The interesting thing is that in these two cases the shop assistants refused to serve the parent despite the parent lying and saying the drinks were for them. No doubt the Vodka premix sugary drinks were a bit of a giveaway. On one level I find the behaviour of everyone in this situation to be quite amazing.

We have a child who has enlisted their parent to buy alcohol illegally so she can drink at a party. Plus we have a parent willingly breaking the law by attempting to buying alcohol for a minor and when challenged by the shop assistant lying that the alcohol was for them in front of their child. And in some ways most amazingly of them all, a shop assistant in a liquor store rejecting a clearly legal customer’s request to purchase alcohol.

And yet I have been in a similar situation myself just without the challenge from the shop assistant. So why am I surprised?

By the way in both cases the parent was extremely annoyed when the shop assistant would not sell them the drinks. Strange times if you ask me.

I don’t profess to know the right answer here. As parents you can only do what you think is best and no other parent should judge you. Australian society and its approach to drinking have created this challenge. For it to change we all need to change our attitude. I think research shows that as a parent your own long term approach to alcohol, like your approach to anything, will help shape your child’s behaviour.

Weirdly and paradoxically I personally think that part of the problem with buying alcohol for the under aged teen is it actually takes away one of the joys of growing up and also denies them an important lesson.

 Part of the fun of being a teenager is the moments of rebellion, of stretching, even breaking the rules and the travelling the bumpy road to independence and self-reliance. Now days it seems we parents, for good or bad, do so many things  to hinder those experiences for teens and that includes stopping behaviour that break rules not by catching them but by doing the deed for them. Teenagers need to understand consequences and the best way to do that is for them to learn to own their decisions and actions and then own the consequences.

So, if as a parent, you think it best to buy your teenager alcohol at the very least make them pay for it with their own money and if there is a mess afterwards, they clean it up.

Not sure if we should conclude with songs about drinking so I will wuss out and suggest just one

The Nips Are Getting Bigger – Mental As Anything, of course.