Blazing

Forgive the corny play on words but firepits are so hot right now.

A firepit is the new man cave, but even better because not only is it the shed that all men supposedly want but with fire involved you can put your stone age man skills in fire tending and barbecuing on display for friends and family any night you want.

How do I know this?

First of all I want one and I have never ever wanted a shed. This is for a number of reasons. But the main one is that I have no handyman skills and never have had much interest in gaining any. It’s just not me. So with no interest in gardening, hotting up cars, wood working etc. etc., why do I need a shed? Besides you are reading one of my blogs, so you should know that I could do with an office and/or a library not a shed.

Secondly the “experts” on every home improvement show that I have been watching are all talking about whacking a firepit into their new purchase/renovation.

Thirdly Blaze has a firepit and where Blaze goes the world follows.

Blaze has taken to saying inflammatory statements like “ Burn it all down, motherfuckers.” I know he doesn’t mean it but fire can do strange things to some people.

I didn’t know that Blaze was even thinking of building a firepit until I saw him marking out some kind of a construction in his backyard. Initially I thought he might have been producing a scale replica of Stonehenge. He had often talked about it during his druid phase but once he was no longer a druid the appeal waned. The Druid phase was the latest in his buffet approach to the world’s neo-pagan and polytheistic religions. Not just one god for Blaze, he wanted multiple deities. His flirtation with Hinduism just brought lots of take away curries, so building a replica of Stonehenge seemed to be a step up in commitment but he never got around to it and we all quickly got sick of listening to Tubular Bells on the car stereo. Now Blaze and I both know that Tubular Bells really isn’t some kind of druid theme music but it just seemed so right at that time; far more than say Steel Panther for example.

Anyway the firepit seems to be more fun, more practical, more of the moment so who am I to get in the way?

Which I kind of did anyway because we started discussing the upcoming election and the deplorable state of our Federal Government and when Blaze starting using his fluro paint spray can to mark out the relevant numbers on the government, opposition and cross benches should the expected swings apply come the May election.

While fascinating this took some time and while we both agreed that our current political state was nothing to write home about, [another old fashioned saying now heading to extinction thanks to complete lack of context in the modern world] and the election could not come soon enough.

 We also drank some beers, deplored the politics of fear around refugees, the cosy “business’ relationships and the endless name calling.

But you know I think Australians should face a fact. We get the government we deserve. These things are on display all the time in the general population. Stupidies like silly fears of the new and the foreigner, the hardened position taking in any argument and the playing of the person not the ball.

Anyway by the time we finished we were on to he third spray can and Blaze’s backyard had that many yellow lines and daubs of paint that it looked like a dozen tigers had exploded. 

At that point exhaustion set in and we called it quits for the day. 

I dropped by the next weekend after negotiating uproar in the family home about the unfairness and hatred of teachers towards students. I barely escaped with my life after pointing out that this scenario while possible was, if carefully considered, both improbable and illogical. That is when I discovered that teenagers do not like their views to be questioned. I wonder where that behavior comes from?

Blaze had dug a four metre wide circle about thirty centimetres deep in his back yard. He must have started before the dawn and when I arrived he was leveling the hole and was getting ready to pave it with brick seconds. This was obviously the pit, a sort of sunken lounge room for the outside.

Beside the pit there was an object of steel. The fire would be contained on shallow steel saucer one and a half metres wide and mounted and standing on three legs. It stood about half a metre high. It was lying beside the pit with its legs in the air. It didn’t look much, kind of like an oversize colander just with a lot less holes. But you know when it was turned right way up and lowered onto the bricks it looked freakin awesome.

I didn’t know where Blaze had got the idea for the fire holder until he showed me some episodes of the cheesy great 70s TV show Lost In Space. The best episode is when The Robinson Family stumble across intergalactic hippies. Dr. Smith being groovy is one of the 70s children’s TV finest moments. Anyway the fire holder was a dead ringer for the bottom half of the Robinson Family’s spaceship the Jupiter Two.

The next weekend waves returned to coast. Blaze fractured his finger in a bizarre paving accident and now the firepit is ready for action but cold. I am not sure what he is waiting for. Perhaps some special day in the Shinto worship calendar or maybe the nights to be a little cooler. Either way I think the firepit will be a great centerpiece for a party on election night. All will be fire and ashes for someone on that night.

Five fiery tunes

Sacrificial Bonfire – XTC, England’s best druid band

Fire Water Burn- The Bloodhound Gang

Fire Woman – The Cult

Fire it Up – Modest Mouse

I’m On Fire – Bruce Springsteen